I broke things off with BR last night after a great few dates followed by a series of unfortunate self-sabotaging moves on his part. I discussed what had happened with my friend from Dating without a Net, and she said to me, plain and simple, "You can't fix stupid". Truth be told, she did this over Twitter so it was more of a #cantfixstupid, but the point was well received.
BR isn't stupid by any stretch of the imagination, at least not book-wise. He's a highly intelligent and successful man slaving away for corporate America. He does however seem to be relationship stupid. After a failed marriage based on a number of deal breakers and really poor communication, I can't deal with relationship stupid again. BR told me his longest relationship "tapped out at about a year." I'm of the mindset that if you're a moderately attractive, intelligent and able bodied individual who hasn't had more than a year long relationship by the age of 42, then something is amiss.
BR did a lot of great things. He treated me like a lady. He called when he said he would, opened doors for me and never let me pay. He was witty and liked to do things and always had a plan for the evenings spent together. However, this couldn't compensate for the lack of social graces that he had that make him, at least in my eyes, relationship stupid. There's something to be said for knowing when to speak and when to hold one's tongue...or at least not make dumb and insulting comments. BR had a habit of saying thoughtless things and, to add insult to injury, he took those things one step too far. I will illustrate with some examples that all took place this weekend.
The first strike against him was his vehement anti-country music sentiments. As you should know by now, I'm a huge country music fan and love listening to my Sirius Satellite country stations. I realize that not all of my potential suitors will be country lovers, but I do expect a certain respect for my music choices, especially if I tell you that I like to play dress up with my cowboy hat.
Thoughtless comment: He went on an anti-country music tirade, complete with telling me the songs all sound the same and the lyrics are asinine. Those lyrics gave me a lot of strength through my divorce, jerk face.
Taking it too far: He picked me up in his Sirius-subscribed car (after I lamented that I missed my country stations while my car, with Sirius, was in the shop from my accident) and announced, "Oops, my satellite radio broke on the way here--no country music for you!" I certainly won't be riding your "Big Green Tractor" anytime soon!
Aside from his hatred of country music, BR made the mistake of telling me too much about past relationships. However, until Saturday night, he failed to mention that that none of these relationships lasted more than a year...and that he'd never lived with a woman.
Thoughtless comment: He told me about a woman he dated and mentioned the number of times they had slept together. Perhaps he did this to illustrate how short their relationship was, but it was information that was really unnecessary and made me uncomfortable.
Taking it too far: He proceeded to tell me that the sex was bad (ok, I get that) and why it was bad. I can appreciate a mention that they had poor physical chemistry, but he described another woman as a "dead fish." How old are we?!
The weekend hit a low point with his third and final over the top comment. Note to men: No matter what a woman looks like, do not tell her that she should be exercising more...unless she's paying you to be her personal trainer. How BR's testicles have managed to survive 42 years without being kicked to oblivion, I am still bewildered. To add insult to injury, he's one of those horrible people who actually loses weight when he doesn't work out and although he probably can't appreciate the idiocy of this comment, he should still know better.
Thoughtless comment: After a particularly feisty make out session, BR laid his head on my chest and commented that my heart was pounding very fast. I'm not sure about your experiences buddy, but that's typically a side effect of amorous activities.
Taking it too far: He followed up this comment by saying, "Wow, you better get back on that Spinning bike!" Instead of saying something like, "Wow, I really got you worked up," or letting it go, he said, essentially told me I was out of shape. Not 20 minutes later, he made another comment to me about how I need to exercise more...and no, it wasn't a cute way of saying he wanted to engage in some "cardio".
I get that men can be idiots (because, well, it's true) but after 20 some odd years of dating, you'd think that BR would have figured out how not to sabotage his chances of dating a woman. I'm sure that if I had stronger feelings for BR, I would have brushed this comments off as silly and not as deal breakers. But stupid comments, compounded with his inability to ask me how my day was (after I listened to him go on and on and on about buying softball cleats at Sports Authority), I was done. You just can't fix stupid.