Thursday, December 20, 2012

I'm Moving!

After blogging here since last February, I decided to take things on the self hosting that is.  I've pimped this blog out on Twitter and Instagram and even though it's super awesome and all, it's no longer applicable to my life.  You're probably thinking, "What do you mean? The blog is about your life!" That's true, but this blog was originally written as a dating blog and meant to be cathartic.  If you don't believe me, read the little box on the right that says just that.  See?

This blog got me back into the blogging world after a blogging hiatus and has been a blast to write, but my life is more than just dating and funny stories and reflecting on my post-divorce life.  I spent the last year saying that "Hindsight is pretty funny" and it is, but I'm tired of looking at the past.  I joked that if you don't laugh about things that happened in the past, you might end up crying and while true, it doesn't matter anymore.

So, when I got an email for a FatCow sale yesterday, I couldn't resist signing up for a cheap domain (let me know if anyone wants a $2/month domain for a year coupon--great savings!).  I thought about keeping the name Hindsight is Pretty Funny because I've quasi-established myself with that name, but decided against it for several reasons.  First, it's too long.  Second, there are people out there who can't spell "hindsight".  Seriously, you should see the misspelled keywords that get people to my blog.  Yes, I can see what you searched to get here.  Third, I like change and shiny new things.  I want to write about my condo, refinishing furniture, fun outfits, amazing vacations, and a boatload of other things that will fit more into a lifestyle than a dating blog.

My new blog is currently under production (i.e. I'm fumbling my way through self hosting, templates, exporting, importing and HTML coding) and should be up and running for the New Year.  There will be a shiny new name, a new look and new content...but my sassy attitude will remain the same.

Here's to a belated Happy Hanukkah, an almost Merry Christmas and a freaking fabulous New Year!  See you on the flip side!

Monday, December 17, 2012

How NOT to Pick Up a Woman at the Gym

I love the gym and spend a lot of time there running, lifting and trying to keep my booty in good shape and my arms strong enough for decking someone if the need arises.  I joined the local YMCA because it's convenient, clean and relatively free from guidos.  Most of the men at the gym are married, super old or really young so I tend to keep to myself, get my workout in, stretch like I'm in Cirque de Soleil, and get out.  I usually work out in shorts and a tank top, without makeup and my hair in a ponytail.  This weekend I made the mistake of wearing a tank that I haven't worn in a while.  It was one of those built in bra racerback tanks which, when combined with a sports bra and boobs that are apparently too large for the top, make for ample cleavage.

I went to the gym this weekend and picked a treadmill next to an old man, hoping that his potential to let out uncontrollable methane bombs would deter creepsters from my bouncing boobs that were pushed up to rest just inches below my chin.  I set my treadmill to "pathetic" (4.3 mph, thanks stress fracture!), cranked up the country tunes on my iPod, and set off on my power walking return-to-run physical therapy program.

As I was swinging my monkey arms to the beat of Toby Keith, a staff member sidled up to me.  He was sporting a spotty beard and wearing tube socks, the latest trend in the 25 and under crowd in suburban New Jersey.  Concerned my breasts were violating a morality clause of the gym that's "rooted in Christian values and dedicated to helping all people grow in spirit, mind and body," I removed one of my disco ball earbuds and turned toward him.

Awesome disco ball earrings

Gym Dude: "I've only seen you here 3 times. You need to come more often."
Me: "Umm, I'm here everyday when I'm not doing physical therapy or resting. I'm getting over a stress fracture."
Gym Dude: "Really? How'd that happen?"
Me: "Running. I have a stress fracture in my femur from running." At this point I realize he's not going to tell me to put on more clothing and is just trying to talk to me.
Gym Dude: "Seriously? How far did you run? How'd that happen?"
Me: "Far and long and fast" ::getting annoyed and wanting to return to my workout::  It's an overuse injury.
Gym Dude: "But like how far? I mean, I look like I probably run more than you and I'm fine."
Me: "That was rude. This is me ignoring you now."  :replaces disco ball ear bud: Note: Dude did not look like he ran more than a half mile ever in his life.  
Gym Dude: Garbled apology and further attempts to talk to me
Me:  "I'm still ignoring you. I'd rather listening to Taylor swift than talk to you...and I hate Taylor Swift."
Gym Dude: "Blah blah" Presumably trying to justify stupid comments
Me:  "Still ignoring you..."

I left the gym a little bit later and he caught up with me.

Gym Dude: "So you're leaving already, huh?"
Me: "Yup.  Well, congrats on figuring out how not to pick up a girl at the gym"
Gym Dude: "Sorry, it's not like at a bar where I can just go up to girl and hit on them."
Me: "Right, it's not, because it's a gym, where people workout"
Gym Dude: "I just meant that it was awesome that you um, run so far and stuff.
Me: "Yeah dude, I leak awesomeness..."

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Dating in a Small Town

It's no surprise that I love country music, however it wasn't until recently that I realized that my suburban New Jersey life could actually relate to it.  Although I don't have a dog that ran away or a truck that broke down, I do live in a small town and Miranda Lambert's "Famous in a Small Town" has described how I feel about living here lately.

I live in a small town.  Specifically, there are 8,165 people in my town.  61% are single.  The female to male ratio is 10:8 and 30% of people are between 25 and 44.  There are 313 people per square mile. I'm a lawyer, you do the math because I can't.

My town is a great place with access to walking trails, a CVS, Starbucks, a local supermarket and plenty of single educated men.  While I know that there are of other towns with eligible bachelors, I prefer to date close to home because I'm lazy, gas is expensive, and I live in cluster of neighborhoods that is filled with divorced men. I can afford to date within a 2 mile radius...or so I thought.

As I mentioned, there's a supermarket within walking distance to my house.  I go in there so often that I have made friends with one of the guys who works at the deli.  He even reads my blog, or at least he claims to, presumably in an effort to impress me and get me to go out with him (hi, Mike, thanks for reading but it's still not happening).  Deli guys notwithstanding, I've seen some good looking men walk into the supermarket on occasion and recently joked to a friend that I should hang out at the supermarket to meet men.  That's the thing about jokes, they sometimes come back to bite you in the ass...

So I got an email last week from a man on who works for the corporate part of the local supermarket.  I mentioned I shop there and am friends with deli guy.  Right away he knows who I'm referring to (apparently Mike flirts with all of the customers and I'm not that special after all) so I did some recon and asked my favorite meat slicer about the guy.  After things checked out and the deli guy confirmed that the Match guy wasn't a known serial killer, I scheduled a phone call with him.

Within the first two minutes, Match guy tells me that he got a call from the manager of my specific store  earlier that day.  The manager called and said, "Oh, I heard you're going out with Emily, I know her and her mom! How great is this?! (yadda yadda yadda)" Apparently my conversation with the deli guy about the Match guy turned into the hot topic over the prepared foods counter and rumor spread amongst the supermarket employees that guy were dating, nevermind the fact that we hadn't even met. 

As it turns out, the conversation with guy was nice but not that great.  We had little in common and I didn't think our connection on the phone was enough to warrant an in person date.  No harm no foul, right?  Wrong.  

I went into the supermarket the next day.  As I walked past the deli counter, I felt all eyes on me. I turned around to see them talking and gesturing toward me. Not that I'm not a head turner, but these hoagie slingers weren't just checking me out.  It was the kind of, "Oh yeah, there's that girl who Mike said is dating the corporate guy".  Awesome. (sarcasm font)

I quickly got my essentials and proceeded to the checkout, all the while bitching on the phone to my mother that this town is too small and my frustration with the awkwardness of my shopping experience.  I can't even go to the freaking supermarket without wondering if I'm going to be the subject of the manager's phone call (which by the way, I'm totally still contemplating complaining about because really, how professional is that?!).  I felt like a celebrity, just without all the money and paparazzi and more of the gossip.  As usual, my mother tells me I'm overreacting, there are plenty of men in this town and it's a silly coincidence.  I rolled my eyes at her through the phone and say goodbye.  

As I hungup and collected my groceries, I turned around to see E, a guy I dated back in September, standing there with his kids, waving at me.  Miranda Lambert is right, everybody is famous in a small town.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

What I Wear on Dates

In my last post I mentioned that I went out on a date and was wearing one of my favorite "causal yet sexy" blouses from Old Navy that I love so much.  I haven't posted pics on here for a while after a hilarious attempt by my ex-husband to get me to take this blog down which caused me to go quasi-incognito, so I thought it might be time to share some of my (headless) go-to date outfits with you.  That, coupled with the fact that I need to start clearing out the 1,463 selfies from of my iPhone camera.  Don't worry, I have a head in real life, I'm just refraining from posting it on here (and because my camera doesn't let me get a shot of both my head and my shoes so I've been opting for shoe shots).

I have a pretty casual yet classy style of dressing.  I never buy anything too trendy or revealing and dress fairly conservatively.  If I want a date to know that I'm looking for action, I believe it's best for my personality, wit and wandering hands to communicate that, not my outfit.  That said, I have been known to sport some cleavage now and then.

Below is a smattering of my date outfits, starting with the summer.  You might notice the progression from meatball to SlimJim in these pics, as I dropped almost 15 lbs since then.  You might also notice that my hips are here to stay.  Awesome (sarcasm font) but at least they're more toned now.  And yes, these pics have all been through an Istagram filter.  I've found that Instagram "Amaro" lightened up these pictures perfectly.  I'm also too cheap to get Photoshop and everyone knows Instagram makes you look like a model.

This pic is from the summer on a date with DJ (I wrote about him here and here).  I was probably overdressed because he liked to wear graphic tees and cargo shorts and take me to dinner buffets, but at least I looked cute.  He's 6'2" so I rocked these 4" wedges on almost every date.

Dress: Old Navy, Wedges: Anne Klein

I wore this outfit on a date with a guy named Eric from  It was nothing to write home about, so I didn't.  We had a nice time grabbing drinks at a local upscale bar and then played pool at his blue collar men's club down the street.  He was probably the only man belonging to the club who had never worked an hourly wage job in his life.  It was a fun date but he never contacted me...possibly because I beat him in shuffleboard and wasted his money playing country songs on the electric jukebox.

Blouse: Joe Fresh, Pants: American Eagle, Necklace: Stella and Dot

I wore this shirt with jeans out on a date with a litigator from  He was nice enough, aside from the fact that I felt like I was being interrogated all night.  We went on two dates but there was no chemistry.  We shared dating horror stories over beers.  He also blogs but declined an offer to guest blog.  He spent 20 minutes lamenting about how gets depressed living in NYC because he isn't part of a couple and has no one to go to brunch with on Sunday mornings.  It was like that How I Met Your Mother Episode where Marshall and a man friend go on bro dates for brunch.
Top: Gap, Pants pictured: Gap, Jeans worn: Banana Republic

Do you remember Mr. Big, the foot fetish guy?  As is sometimes the case, he came with more drama than I posted about.  He tried to weasel himself back into my life this summer so I met him for lunch.  It was one of those "You could have had this but didn't because you're a douchebag who drives an expensive car to compensate for your, um, shortcomings" type of dates.  We had lunch at an upscale restaurant and I wore this dress.  The picture doesn't do it justice but it hugs my curves in just the right way, so that when I sashayed my ass out of the place, leaving him to go home alone, he was cursing himself.  Every woman needs a dress like this.
Dress: Banana Republic, Shoes: Aldo

I wore this outfit on a Wednesday night to meet a guy from Plenty of Fish for drinks.  He was normal and cute and we hit it off.  He had a great sense of humor but after a second date, I realized that under the sarcastic facade, there wasn't much else.
Blouse: Old Navy, Jeans: Banana Republic, Necklace: Stella and Dot, Wedges: Payless (don't judge me, they're awesome and comfy)

If you're thinking this outfit looks similar to the one above, you're right.  It's the exact same thing except the shirt is teal (looks blue in the photo but it's teal in real life).  I freaking love these shirts. They're from Old Navy, wash and wear well (except for the one I had in purple that got a hole in it) and show enough cleavage while simultaneously hiding a post-beer muffin top.

I wore this outfit on a second date to the movies.  I don't like the movies and have no idea why I agreed to a second date at the movies. Even worse, my date wanted to see the Twilight movie, which was surprisingly good (shirtless werewolves make any movie better).  My date thought that the previews were a good time to kiss me for the first time.  Oh yeah baby, slobber on me in a crowded theater full of teenyboppers.  Needless to say, it was a last date.
Blouse: Old Navy, Jeans: Banana Republic, Necklace: Stella and Dot, Wedges: Payless

I wore this for my first date with Thunder Thighs.  We went to a restaurant and got drinks.  It was an awesome first date, but the proceeding ones weren't as good.  I've actually had a lot of luck wearing this top on dates.  I also wore it on my second date with Batman.

Tank: Old Navy, Cardigan: Target (I have it in black too, love this cardigan!), Jeans: American Eagle

I have no idea when I wore this outfit but if I say it was a first date out for drinks I would have about a 95% chance of getting it right.  Apparently I was going for a biker-chic look.  
Tank: Old Navy, Jeans: Banana Republic, Jacket: NY&Co, Necklace: GroupDealz

I'm a huge fan of cowboy boots but rarely wear them out on dates.  I broke them out for dinner on a rainy night with a restaurateur I saw a few times.  He's from Virginia and doubted my ability to pull off cowboy boots.  I proved him wrong. I paired them with an off white lacy tank top and a ruffled cardigan to soften the look.
Tank: Forever21, Cardigan: Banana Republic, Jeans: American Eagle, Boots: J.B. Dillon

Afternoon dates are good too.  Not only does it save calories from alcohol (black coffee please), but they're easy to squeeze in and low pressure.  I met a web designer turned photographer out at Starbucks a couple of weeks ago.  I was going to my volunteer commitment afterward so my outfit needed to be cute enough for a date but casual enough to get snot and glitter on because I volunteer with kids.  The date was fair, worthy of a second if he hadn't been such a sad panda about his ex-wife cheating on him and his house going into foreclosure.
Tank: Old Navy (yes, same as the biker-chic look), Sweater: Gap, Jeans: Forever 21, Boots: Sam Edelman, Purse: Onna Ehrlich
This is the "casual yet sexy" shirt that I mentioned in my Date with a Gay Guy post, although this isn't the night I wore it.  I know this because I recently dyed my hair dark brown and, as you can see, I have blonde hair in this pic.  This is probably a pic from another date.  Since these are my go-to outfits, I sometimes wear them more than once.  Different people, different places, shhh don't tell that I wear repeats! Anyway, I love this shirt (so much that I have it in an orange color that for some reason I've never worn) because it's soft, falls nicely and has a sexy satiny feel to it.
Top: Old Navy, Pants: Banana Republic, Necklace: Stella and Dot, Bracelets: Francesca's from years ago
So there you have it, pictures of me and an idea of what I look like as I'm wow'ing potential life partner candidates.  You may have also realized that it's possible to make cheap clothes look good.  I'm all about not breaking the bank while getting free meals and drinks.