So I went out on a couple dates with a man who I will call Batman. I call him Batman because he's brooding and mysterious...and he wears a Batman costume around. Kidding, he looks like Christian Bale. The real story is that he sent me a picture of himself making a doucheface in which he had a creepy psychotic resemblance to "Patrick Bateman" in American Psycho. The conversation went something like this:
Me: You look like that guy in American Psycho right before he fed a cat to an ATM.
Batman: You mean, Christian Bale? Batman?
Me: No, I mean you look nuts in the picture, like you might feed a cat to an ATM. You don't have a cat to you??
Batman: No, no cat.
Me: So yeah, I guess that's Christian Bale then.
Batman: I'll take it.
|Christian Bale's doucheface, strikingly similar to the pic that Batman sent me|
|Banter about the questionable reading material I have on my Nook|
So you might imagine my surprise when I just a few days after our second date I got a series of serious text messages from Batman. Apparently when he was going to pick his kids up from their mother's house, his youngest went missing. He sent me several texts explaining how he was frantic, running around screaming her name, calling the police, thinking she was gone forever, etc. They even sent out an Amber Alert for his daughter who, thankfully, was playing in a neighbor's basement the entire time.
I spent a few minutes trying to imagine the terror he must have felt...then a smile grew on my face. Awful I know, because who smiles when someone tells you their kid just went missing? But I realized, "This means he likes me, right?!". I mean, on a night where you thought your child could have been missing or dead or some other parade of horribles, you generally don't text someone about the horrific incident if you don't like them, right? If I were just some woman he didn't give two farts about, he would have kept it to himself and spent the night cuddling with this daughter. But no, he texted me instead, both making time for me and opening up about something personal.
After my realization, I sat there laughing at myself. What kind of person turns this into something about them? Apparently, me....and then I called up a friend to tell her the funny story about how Batman's missing daughter proves that he likes me.