"Thou Art More Lovely": Dating with Shakespeare

One of the funniest things about online dating is that you will invariably get professions of love thrown your way.  Sometimes they're annoying but most of the time they're just entertaining.  These emails can even make you feel good...if you're the kind of person who lies to yourself and believes that these are genuine emails and not a copy and paste from some bad modernized Shakespeare inspired sonnet that might have been better received if written in iambic pentameter.

Here are two emails from a user whose name suggests he might be the kind of man who has a dog and covers parts of his body in peanut butter late at night.

Lonely in Queens: It would be an honor and a privilege to get to know you better, and perhaps even take you out...your beauty knows no bounds and is beyond compare...please contact me ASAP. I will be waiting anxiously by my computer for your first sweet message, and I will forever cherish the moment at which I receive it and the day I receive you in my arms.
Me: Thanks for your message but I don't think we'd be a good match. Best of luck.


I figured he would move along...but he sent another email a week later.


Lonely in Queens: A lovely lady of your exceptional calibre surely receives countless messages everyday. They are probably so numerous that you likely don't have enough time to open them all, let alone respond to the ones you actually enjoyed reading. Despite this, and the strong likelihood that you will never respond to this, I felt compelled to write to you anyway. I simply had to. Your profile, what you had to say along with your gorgeous pictures really caught my eye. I believe that if we were to meet, sparks would fly and the earth would shake. Planets would become realigned and flowers would bloom. There is something indescribable, something intangible about you that has attracted me very strongly. Hopefully you will be able to wade through the morass of mediocrity in your inbox from insincere players and find this letter, and then like me enough to respond. With any luck we can meet soon and I can romance you all over our great city. If this were to happen I would be the luckiest man on earth. At the very least I hope you enjoyed reading this.


Putting aside the cheesiness, it is a very nice email, but still a no go.  Considering that my profile is 2 sentences about how I value honesty and a zest of life, the fact that he thinks we'd be a good match based on what I wrote is highly unlikely.  Just tell me you think I'm pretty, also value honesty and would like to meet for a drink, dude.  Also, the fact that I don't live in "our great city" (NYC) shows that while he might do a good job wooing, his reading comprehension is lacking.


I did enjoy reading this, Mr. Lonely.  I think my readers have too!

Giddy Up

I swore off dating lawyers after both my ex-husband and creepster, JD, who tried to undress me on our first date.  But, since I tend not to listen to myself very well, I started talking to another attorney, who I will just call Lawyer NYC, a couple of months ago from Plenty of Fish.  He is a cute intellectual property attorney in NYC with a sexy geeky look who, aside from having a penchant for calling me "counselor," did not appear to be a complete weirdo.  Between the Bar Exam and his jaunts down to visit family in Florida, we haven't had the chance to get together but have graduated from emails to text messages. 

We've corresponded at length about going to school in the Midwest, having dual citizenship and international travel--all things we have in common.  When the subject of music came up, I made sure to tell him I like country, as that seems to be a dealbreaker for some close-minded individuals.  Their loss--I go wild wearing a cowboy hat--yeehaw!  Lawyer NYC seemed open to my music taste (brownie points) so we continued talking.  I even sent him a picture of me from the Rascal Flatts concert when he asked how it went. 

I've been busy over the past month and texts between Lawyer NYC and I have died down.  This must have struck a nerve with him because I started getting strange text messages from him filled with legalease and 2am invitations for hot chocolate.   A little strange, but nothing that I couldn't get over. 

However, over the past week, I must have really been on his mind...and I'm starting to wonder what he's doing with my pictures.   While I'm glad that he's open to my love to country music, I think he might be putting the cart in front of the horse.  Sexy text messages can be appreciated in certain instances--like after a number of great dates and a satisfying romp in the hay--but not before an in person meeting.  That's just weird.  From the sounds of it, Lawyer NYC might be a really fun rodeo cowboy, but I think I'm going to pass.

Blame the Ex!

One of the best things about taking a Bar Exam (aside from the obvious ability to practice in a specific jurisdiction if you pass) is celebrating the end of the exam.  For whatever reason, last time I took the Bar there was no big hooplah after it was over to celebrate the months of hard work I put in.  For those who are wondering, I took and rocked both New York and Massachusetts in 2009, while planning a wedding AND prepping for an international move.  While my friends were jet setting off to get drunk in exotic locales in 2009, I ordered pizza or participated in some other decidedly anti-climactic activity that I cannot recall with my now ex-husband.

This time, I was determined to have a better post Bar Exam celebration. For those not in the know, you must take a Bar Exam for every state (unless you can waive in).  So, even though I'm licensed in NY and MA, I must take NJ as well. 

While an exotic vacation wasn't financially feasible, I planned the second best thing--a weekend in NYC with my amazing girl friends.  As it turned out, a friend of mine, M, had recently relocated to NYC from San Francisco and she was also taking the Bar Exam.  Knowing that we would be stressed to the max and celebrating in NYC after the Exam, M and I invited some girl friends from law school down for our semi annual law school girls reunion weekend--woohoo!

After a harrowing two months of exchanging encouraging but increasingly frantic emails, text messages and phone calls, M and I took our exams our girls weekend began.  Two of our friends (L and N) arrived from Boston and the four of us took to the streets of Manhattan.   We had a blast catching up on life, reminiscing about law school and talking crap about former friends (yes, horse-loving-trust-fund-sour-puss, I'm talking about you!). 



Just a funny pic from SoHo--intended for no one in particular.



The best thing about my weekend with my girl friends was discovering their fierce loyalty.  Although we've been close since 2006, I realized that these women were true friends as they stuck by my side through my divorce this summer.  Now that I'm starting over and moving on, their devotion to me has been realized through a fun game that they made up over the weekend called, "Blame the Ex" (i.e. my ex--his name is used for the purposes of this game in in real life, but I will protect his privacy over the internet because I'm nice).   Note: none of the following are actually his fault.

Any foible in our weekend got chocked up to the fault of my ex even though none of these things could be attributed to him.  Traffic in the city? Blame the Ex!  Long line at the bathroom?  Blame the Ex!  N got food poisoning?  Blame the Ex!  Flight back to Boston was delayed 5 hours?  Blame the Ex!

By the end of the weekend we had six-pack abs from laughing so hard, way too few pictures, plans for a summer get together and a super fun blame game! 

View from Sutton Place--our future homes (after we all marry millionaires)